i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
