that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
