Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
