Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
