how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
