Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
