i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize