I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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