Your face is a jimmy john
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
