I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
