Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
