now i know why i became what i already was.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
