which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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