he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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