So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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