Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
