I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
