We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
