i permit you to call me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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