so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They have beer where we have blood.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
