if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
