thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
