you traded sex for a burrito?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think people are normalizing furries
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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