There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
two words...techno handjob
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
