she was so not down for the gang bang
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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