i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
