really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
