I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
