you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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