My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize