wrigley field is MILF paradise
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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