Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize