every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
