I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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