she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
