how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
