She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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