So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
