New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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