capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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