Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Everclear isn't food dammit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
