that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
