If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
