He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
