in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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