I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
