Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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