Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
