More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
