you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
