I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
