That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize