I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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