That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
