I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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