my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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