Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
