If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize