even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize