His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
