Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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