Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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