You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
