Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
