What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
