If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
